My Server Response Times Suck! What Gives?

You should also ask yourself why data is not returned properly, when you run a basic netcat test. No idea if Cloudflare does that, I have no experience with it. If it does, they are crazy to block it.
Code:
$ time yes | nc ukofequestria.co.uk 80 <<END
HEAD / HTTP/1.1
Host: ukofequestria.co.uk

END
real    0m0.400s
user    0m0.000s
sys     0m0.002s

$ time yes | nc xenforo.com 80 <<END
HEAD / HTTP/1.1
Host: xenforo.com

END
HTTP/1.1 200 OK
Date: Sun, 08 Dec 2013 04:27:13 GMT
Server: Apache
Last-Modified: Sun, 08 Dec 2013 04:27:13 GMT
Content-Length: 10074
Connection: close
Content-Type: text/html; charset=UTF-8

real    0m0.346s
user    0m0.000s
sys     0m0.002s

$ time yes | nc www.axivo.com 80 <<END
HEAD / HTTP/1.1
Host: www.axivo.com

END
HTTP/1.1 301 Moved Permanently
Server: nginx
Date: Sun, 08 Dec 2013 04:33:02 GMT
Content-Type: text/html
Content-Length: 178
Connection: close
Location: https://www.axivo.com/community/

real    0m0.036s
user    0m0.001s
sys     0m0.004s
You have a lot of work to do, installing a minimal Linux OS does not mean you are done and everything works like magic. There are tons of optimizations needed, in order to achieve proper performance, as by default CentOS/Redhat is not designed for web service (nor other distros). And switching to another OS won't make your site faster.
 
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