Q. Did you hear about the guy who had 6 plastic horses stuck up his bum?
A. The doctors described his condition as stable.
Q. What's brown and sticky?
A. A stick.
Q. What do you get if you play a country and western song backwards?
A. You get your house back, your kids back, your wife back, your dog back...
A guy is walking past a big wooden fence at the local insane asylum when he hears the residents chanting "Thirteen! Thirteen! Thirteen! Thirteen!".
Quite curious about this he finds a hole in the fence, approaches it and looks in.
Someone inside promptly pokes him in the eye.
Then everyone starts chanting "Fourteen! Fourteen! Fourteen! Fourteen!".
I saw six men kicking and punching the mother-in-law.
My neighbour came out to me and said "Are you going to help?"
I just looked at him and replied "No, I think six should be enough."
Mick and Paddy are reading headstones at a cemetery.
Mick say "Crikey! There's a bloke here who was 152!"
Paddy says "What's his name?"
Mick replies "Miles, from London !"