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How do you deal with personality clashes / cliques?

CTXMedia

Formerly CyclingTribe
#1
I've been having on-going problems with people who seem to want to go out of their way to wind-up and pick at other members, haranguing them for their opinions, and projecting a negativity that is causing others to stop posting (for fear of being shamed or shot-down).

They're not breaking any specific site rules, so I just wondered how others deal with this sort of thing on your forums? (bearing in mind these individuals have a good number of freinds on the forum they associate with outside of the site).
 

AndyB

Well-known member
#2
This is a very difficult problem to deal with. You can't just kick them off the forum because you would lose many members that way. Sometimes sending a private conversation helps, but most often not.

I use this add-on to hide their rude posts:

https://xenforo.com/community/resources/remove-moderated-notices.3234/

The add-on will make it appear to the rude member that their post has not been moderated, but it has, only they and the moderators can see it. However this only works if you can catch the rude post before others see it or quote it.
 

oO5 Dynasty

Well-known member
#3
Was wondering what kind of website do you have.
Do you have a staff that sets and example of the culture you are trying implement for your community.
Do you have enough rewarding features on your site that will make members work toward earning those positive things.
 

oO5 Dynasty

Well-known member
#4
This is a very difficult problem to deal with. You can't just kick them off the forum because you would lose many members that way. Sometimes sending a private conversation helps, but most often not.

I use this add-on to hide their rude posts:

https://xenforo.com/community/resources/remove-moderated-notices.3234/

The add-on will make it appear to the rude member that their post has not been moderated, but it has, only they and the moderators can see it. However this only works if you can catch the rude post before others see it or quote it.
I agree a positive,professional conversation to those individuals can go along ways. Shows that the staff notices their behavior and are concern about upholding a positive community. Also their is a Discourage feature you can enable on members accounts if you wish to make them go away on their own.
 
#6
It is your site, you need to set the tone. People understand if you go into a church, you act one way. If you into a bar, you might act another. There is the three page rule in the forum ad there is also a three page rule in the mod lounge. If a thread or a person takes three pages of your teams time in the mod lounge, chances are they need to go.

We have some simple rules.
1. Don't be an a$$hole
1a. Being overly sensitive is alse being an a$$hole
2. We get to decide who is being an a$$hole
 

Dakota Storm

Well-known member
#7
It is your site, you need to set the tone. People understand if you go into a church, you act one way. If you into a bar, you might act another. There is the three page rule in the forum ad there is also a three page rule in the mod lounge. If a thread or a person takes three pages of your teams time in the mod lounge, chances are they need to go.

We have some simple rules.
1. Don't be an a$$hole
1a. Being overly sensitive is alse being an a$$hole
2. We get to decide who is being an a$$hole
Ha! Those are my kind of rules
 
#8
There is always the "Edit" or Delete the post reason being Not required.

OK you might loose a few mainly trouble makers but the word will spread very quickly you run a very strict Forum and you could find more new members on you site.

Keith
 

Mr Lucky

Well-known member
#9
I've been having on-going problems with people who seem to want to go out of their way to wind-up and pick at other members, haranguing them for their opinions, and projecting a negativity ......

They're not breaking any specific site rules, .
Why not change your rules to include such behaviour. I would class it as trolling.

The warning system is quite good for this, but I would use it in conjunction with a Conversation (not the default warning messages which are not that useful for this kind of thing)


https://xenforo.com/community/resources/post-ratings-taking-likes-to-the-next-level.410/
https://xenforo.com/community/resources/cta-featured-threads-portal.2599/
These 2 add-ons work well for your issue, because they offer amazing tools for promoting a positive environment. Feature threads add-on is key because everybody wants to have that top thread featured, and Post rating speaks for itself.
Post ratings definitely can help. Featured threads not so much. If your users want to have their threads featured (which is probably not that universal) that is one thing, but the issue here seems to be individual posts within a thread, so those people posting the negative stuff in most cases wouldn't necessarily be the thread starter (or "owner" if you think like that) so no incentive either way to be in the featured thread list.
 

wedgar

Well-known member
#10
It is your site, you need to set the tone. People understand if you go into a church, you act one way. If you into a bar, you might act another. There is the three page rule in the forum ad there is also a three page rule in the mod lounge. If a thread or a person takes three pages of your teams time in the mod lounge, chances are they need to go.

We have some simple rules.
1. Don't be an a$$hole
1a. Being overly sensitive is alse being an a$$hole
2. We get to decide who is being an a$$hole
I've seen it is usually one or two members. They are like a cancer in that it starts small and then grows and can kill the forum. I've found in our situation that the warning system works well and we've had to permanently ban two members because they would not stop. The forum survived and enjoyed the peace and quiet.
 
#11
I've seen it is usually one or two members. They are like a cancer in that it starts small and then grows and can kill the forum. I've found in our situation that the warning system works well and we've had to permanently ban two members because they would not stop. The forum survived and enjoyed the peace and quiet.
We've been fortunate on our site, because we set the tone and our handful of staff members are on board with the tone.
The few who trolled were called out as a$$holes right away, were banned and we were thanked by the community as a whole for keeping things intelligent.

We are of the mindset that, creating rules for every little thing that comes up as suggested in an earlier post in this thread, becomes overwhelming and troublemakers will say, "show me in the rules..."
With the simplicity of
Don't be an a$$ and we get to decide if you're being an a$$, there is no need to generate a bigger list of rules for random situations.
 

mjp

Well-known member
#12
I just wondered how others deal with this sort of thing on your forums?
Talk to them.

Don't bury them in infractions or warnings - just talk to them the same way you'd talk to a friend out in the non-forum world who really needs to take a bath more often, or who you would like to stop picking their teeth with your business card. Meaning talk to them like a friend, with compassion and understanding. Even if you don't understand them, which you probably won't.

I have only run in to half a dozen forum users in the past 15 years or so who couldn't be tamed just by reasoning with them. How you "reason with them" depends on the vibe of your forum, but if you do it right it always works. People want to belong to your group, that's why they're there. If you tell them that some of the things they're doing bother you and are at odds with what you want for the forum, they'll respond.

As for the half dozen users I've run in to who couldn't be reasoned with, they were banned, and no one misses them. Even their friends on the forum.
 
#13
Its all about setting an example. Don't try to avoid the trouble-makers or think that it will blow over. When you let people set a wrong precedent and get away with it, you are seriously letting your forum down and creating a negative impression among your users.

Never let bullying or opinion-shaming become a part of your forums. Weed out the misfits if the need be. It is the forum owner's responsibility to sustain a culture of respect in the forums at all time. Only then will the forum be respected and attract the right audience.
 
#14
In 10 years I have only had to ban 2 members. They get a nice message from me saying that what they are doing isn't appropiate or allowed. They get a second, more stern message indicating that if they continue they could risk further action, including a ban. I give them every opportunity to get in line. When they don't they get the boot. When I ban, it's a ban for life. Especially when I get death threats :) (i'm not kidding)

Now, the hardest one was a very attractive lady that was an exhibitionist and swinger. My forums are family friendly and she was consantly pushing the boundries of what was was acceptable, and what wasn't. I still visit her site once in a while but she has a lifetime ban from mine LOL

Your members will thank you for purging the forum of the virus. You'll gain more than you lose.
 
#16
Recently we had a member who was a know it all on every topic, even if she didn't know what she was talking about. She was also a black cloud on every discussion. We didn't actually ban her, but we sent her a nice note telling her that, perhaps she wasn't a good fit for the community. She hasn't posted since.
 

jauburn

Well-known member
#17
Now, the hardest one was a very attractive lady that was an exhibitionist and swinger. My forums are family friendly and she was consantly pushing the boundries of what was was acceptable, and what wasn't. I still visit her site once in a while but she has a lifetime ban from mine LOL

Your members will thank you for purging the forum of the virus. You'll gain more than you lose.
Purge is best. I agree. We all have our stories to tell.
 
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Elizabeth

Well-known member
#18
I've found that having a private conversation with the members, esp my founding ones who all have very strong personalities but are needed for the information they have and are willing to share, a better method. I also have a Rants & Raves board where all bets are off. You have to be thick skinned to post in there but to even get to that point a person has to have been a member AND have a minimum of 50 posts. Not one or the other but both. R&R is where they are allowed to discuss politics and religion as well as neither are allowed on the rest of the site.

I have a health based forum so experience (which is what the longer termed members have) is greatly needed. Otherwise I would be overrun with stupid sheeple.