The Ladies' Lounge

Hi ladies. I was on the origins of this thread as Shanj but have been absent for a while.

My absence has been mainly because mother died. That created a big interlude.
6 months later I'm doing fine though. VMy mother was very old, suffering, and frankly had always been a hugely toxic area of my life though also I loved her dearly and owed her much. It's a colossal relief to no longer live with that weird tension. My health and my marriage, everything is improving now I have more available energy for my own use. I feel better than for many years.

Catching up on lady gossip here
KIM was amazed at your son's story and I am so glad his is coming through. Of course having good parents makes all the difference to such an experience. My sympathies re your brother. It's not true it never stops hurting (said after a long life! But it does take a long time.
LIZ sympathies on your mother.
SUSAN I know what you mean on the forum choice. I looked at IPB too but the mods are few, support crap. Far too many tiny upgrades. Nor did I find the code easy to edit. Hope it works for you though.
JO hope xf works for you.

Sitewise I am keeping my business site on VB - a big mod we really need. But I have another more community type site I can revive with XF.

Also pot of gold! I have found a really good coder who simply does what I want without fuss. He doesn't yet know XF but I'm giving him a test install on one of my sites to play with.
Expect great things because on vb he's is just a whizz and only started learning vb 2 months ago when he started working with me. He is just so good to work with - fast, polite, absorbs what I want neatly, no jargon, £20-£30 an hour - and he packs a lot in an hour.
I'll introduce him when he's got XF tamed.

My avatar is Rhiannon my new kitten - maine coon. She came to comfort me because our lovely Etsaana had kittens and we kept one who we all adored but especially me. Sadly the ghastly FIP killed him at 4 months. We do not forget him.
Rhiannon lies sprawled on my chest as I type, when not being a bounce bounce all round the room. I have to use capslock quite a bit as typing onehanded.

Thank you Morgain, my son's arm is still dislocated, they want to wait until he has finished growing before they do anything surgical to fix it.

I am sorry to hear about the passing of your Mother, but glad that you are improving and feeling positive/stronger in yourself.

Best of luck with your new forum on XF, and your new coder, if he learns it well I am sure there would be a lot of work for him, seems like people are always looking for good coders to do mods and custom work :)
 
Hi ladies. I was on the origins of this thread as Shanj but have been absent for a while.

My absence has been mainly because mother died. That created a big interlude.

Sorry about your mother...it hurts to lose a parent regardless of how your relationship is at the time.

Update on my weigh loss...I hit my original goal of 135 on Sept 26th, 8 months and 2 days after my surgery. I now have a new goal of 125. I'm hoping to get there before the end of the year. The last 10 pounds was very slow going and I don't expect the next 10 to be any easier. That means I have lost 68 lbs so far and aiming for 78.

I'm working with someone to put a database together for my new effort. I had the asp code and needed it transported to php. I will port one of my XF licenses to that domain when it's ready...it's still very much a work in progress.

I've been busying moving (to a "new" house) across town and getting everything settled. The house is over 70 years old so it's been interesting working on it.

Liz
 
Sorry about your mother...it hurts to lose a parent regardless of how your relationship is at the time.

Update on my weigh loss...I hit my original goal of 135 on Sept 26th, 8 months and 2 days after my surgery. I now have a new goal of 125. I'm hoping to get there before the end of the year. The last 10 pounds was very slow going and I don't expect the next 10 to be any easier. That means I have lost 68 lbs so far and aiming for 78.

I'm working with someone to put a database together for my new effort. I had the asp code and needed it transported to php. I will port one of my XF licenses to that domain when it's ready...it's still very much a work in progress.

I've been busying moving (to a "new" house) across town and getting everything settled. The house is over 70 years old so it's been interesting working on it.

Liz

That is a phenomenal weight loss Liz! Well done that gal! :D

I hope your new house is nice and you are enjoying it!
 
Thanks, Kim...and yes, we are enjoying our new home.

I passed my 9 month "surgiversary" yesterday so I took a photo and did a comparison shot of me at my highest ever weight (about 250 back in 2002) and today at 134.2.
LizBeforeAfter.jpg
 
Woo hoo :D YOu must be so proud of yourself! Brilliant job.

I am on a diet currently, it's going really well, but the weekends are what kill me lol, when Hubby is home and we live it up >_< lol
 
I have been reading the Obesity Epidemic and it makes lots of sense compared to all I have painfully learned in practice over 20 years of struggle.
Main points combining her stuff and mine.
Please excuse long post. I care about this because the whole area is clouded with lies and moneymaking and ruins so many of our lives..

DO NOT calorie count.
This returns the weight almost as soon as we lose it - and worse we add more weight! (Research proven 95% failure as weight returns within 2 years.)

Don't eat less, eat different.

Make changes slowly. It takes a whole month for the body to adjust to a new habit.
Add in no more than 3 changes in a month.

Eat a big solid breakfast either porridge + skim milk + yoghurt + fruit
(Microwave porridge + Milk, add fruit and yog afterwards) Porridge should be coarse/ rough as poss to last in the stomach longer.
OR heavy protein eggs/ bacon. Tomatoes, mushrooms. NOT bread/ NOT toast/ NOT wheat.
Better to fuel strongly to cope with the day.

Famine Syndrome. Not eating = failure. If the brain gets the signal food is in short supply it will utterly refuse to shed weight. We When it does it sheds muscle first, cutting ability to exercise. The immune system also goes down. We get sick - put on weight. All this pattern causes depression = weight.

Eat protein -eggs, meat, fish, soy, nuts as snacks.
Avoid carbohydrate like the plague.
Never fry anything except simmering mince.

Evenings eat main meal before 8.
Keep carbohydrate down to 1/3 max, up the protein and veg. Rice is better than other kinds of carb.,
Eat salad with almost all meals.
Fruit = dessert, yogurt.

Every 10 days eat whatever you want for a day. 100%. You won't go crazy because your habit has changed even in the first 10 days. Pleasure is fuel.

Delicate Eating. ..... 1
When feeling the need for a sweet treat, take a large mouthful on a tiny plate. Eat very very slowly with a teaspoon.
It works because it's the first few hits on the tongue that count as satisfaction, not the amount.
It's better to have a small amount of a treat than sugar substitutes. These don't work because we continue to crave and by the next day we eat more to compensate without realising it. A very small amount of treat works better.
Delicate Eating. ..... 2
Get used to eating on small plates and in small bowls, with small cutlery.
Feeling full happens after 20 mins regardless of how much. So eat slowly - perhaps 2 big mouthfuls if very hungry then slow down.
Eat as much as possible in a civilised way, with plate, cutlery, music and relaxation.

No fizzy drinks. None.
Coffee, tea drink a glass of water before or after to dilute.
Alcohol one unit a day allowance. Can save it up!

Oats are the healthiest carbohydrate. Always have packets of oatcakes for snacks or getting stranded away from home.
In a restaurant order what you like, ask for a second plate, and halve the food. Ask them to take half away!

Be stern with friends and loved ones who do not act helpfully. This is life at stake.
Food is not the central way to celebrate. Live it up in different ways - more arts, more laughter more sex more laziness.

Exercise moderately but regularly.Swimming walking or what you can enjoy.
Work at your own level - if that is walking or swimning a few yards, that's your level. Half an hour twice a week is good. Three times is very good. One day a week treat as 100% commitment, never fail to exercise so you don't lose it. Try to add on one or two more.
Stretch the joints, circling ankles, wrists, shoulders, clenching hands to first and stretch out, clenching inner female muscles. Circle head very very gently and slowly.
Do NOT aim high on exercise. A small steady amount is better than bursts you cannot sustain.
Do NOT do more and more. Go slowly. It's so easy to overdo it. The body is eating differently and under strain. Listen to its desire on how much to do.

Again ONLY try 3 new things to do in one month max.

If you eat strong and healthy, feeding the muscles with protein, exercising regularly, eating a good breakfast and focusing on other ways of joy that food, you'll be healthy even of (very) overweight.
Being overweight is healthier than being thin. Shock! As long as you feed well, especially the muscles and vitamins.

Start preparing for Christmas now! Those tiny plates and cutlery - Delicate Eating - big breakfasts. Very tiny amounts of sweet stuff eating very slowly. By Christmas we'll be able to get through without eating very much extra. I've done it now for 2 years) Christmas lays down fat that never gets worked off through the year! Major cause of obesity.

Hope some of this can help. From my struggle to yours.
 
Now there we were talking about serious things like the death of mothers, injury to a child, and major health issues for ourselves. A bloke walks in and without even trying to see what it's all about and join in, just crashes into our serious stuff with a crappy little snip post demanding attention like a two year old. Typical of the inferior type of male.
Wonder if this one will be grown up enough to apologise for being rude? No bets ladies.

They tend to think that women talk about them when we get together too!

Anyway back to the interesting things of life.

I now have a baby XF running as a test. I did buy licences and test when it started but of course my mother's death rather put it on hold.
This is a new install and it looks a lot better that the first version. I found the 1.0 a bit hard to grasp.
So far all is very nice except I'm surprised I can't duplicate a forum or usergroup to create a new one. That is very useful on VB.

Half term coming up so I will have some time to play with template edits.
Nice to be a proper XFLady again!
 
Woo hoo :D YOu must be so proud of yourself! Brilliant job.

I am on a diet currently, it's going really well, but the weekends are what kill me lol, when Hubby is home and we live it up >_< lol
Diets are hard...I was on one most of my adult life...and every time I lost weight, it all came back and brought friends. I am no longer dieting...the only thing I worry about getting is enough protein and I aim for 90-120 grams a day. After that if I have any room left, I eat other stuff.

Thanks for the kind words...I am still in shock as how different I look now over what I did look like at my highest. Funny thing, I always thought I looked like my paternal grandmother...and now I am seeing my Mother in my mirror staring back at me.
 
Diets are hard...I was on one most of my adult life...and every time I lost weight, it all came back and brought friends. I am no longer dieting...the only thing I worry about getting is enough protein and I aim for 90-120 grams a day. After that if I have any room left, I eat other stuff.

Thanks for the kind words...I am still in shock as how different I look now over what I did look like at my highest. Funny thing, I always thought I looked like my paternal grandmother...and now I am seeing my Mother in my mirror staring back at me.

Yeah, interesting, I haven't been on a diet since I was much younger, I have tried various different eating plans, but ended up failing with them as I just love food too much LOL Motivation is the key... right now I am super motivated.

The only thing that ever works for me is counting calories, (probably the most effective long term diet in the world is Weight Watchers - which is calorie counting) it is very effective if you are genuine about it, I believe that weight loss is just common sense.. put less energy in to your body than you consume in a day.. and your body will burn the rest of it's needs from your reserves of fat, that is in fact what they are there for. So long as you keep your protein intake solid, and you get sufficient good healthy lupids per day, your body will burn fat not muscle, and it's all good.

So far so good, lost a heap already, but as I said earlier, we do tend to fall off the wagon on the weekends, but that is what life is all about isn't it, so long as over all the weight keeps going down, and I am having fun doing it.. that's all that matters to me.

Funny you are thinking you look like a different relative now :D I guess the change is taking some getting used too, not just for you but for those around you.. what does Hubby think?
 
I believe that weight loss is just common sense.. put less energy in to your body than you consume in a day.. and your body will burn the rest of it's needs from your reserves of fat, that is in fact what they are there for. So long as you keep your protein intake solid, and you get sufficient good healthy lupids per day, your body will burn fat not muscle, and it's all good.
Funny you are thinking you look like a different relative now :D I guess the change is taking some getting used too, not just for you but for those around you.. what does Hubby think?

I was like you, believing that what went in as calories should be expended as energy and if you expend more energy than consumption of calories, you would lose weight....until I kept a food diary for an entire month last summer.

I was consuming less than 800 calories a day for most of that month...the days I went over, I never exceeded 1000. At my weight last summer of over 200 lbs, just to breathe, I needed over 2000 calories a day (high metabolic rate) so why did I GAIN 3 lbs that month??? I should have lost weight as my body was using 2000 + a day and I was feeding it less than half that. Answer...after YEARS of dieting, my metabolic system was broken.

Okay, now, I consume, on average, about 3000 calories (eating about every 2-3 hours a day/I'm a grazer) and have lost almost 70+ and my exercising is non-existent..I am NOT into exercise. I eat bacon almost every day, red meat almost every day, my protein shakes (2-3 a day/8 oz each time) are made with whole milk, I use real butter. I just got back my labs (had them done last week) and my cholesterol is down to a 179 from last fall of over 210 and I don't take any statin to lower it.

Personally, the word diet is a four letter word I NEVER want to experience again. I had this surgery so I would never have to diet again. Yes, I do watch my portions but if I want something bad enough, I will eat a bite. Carbs (white ones) are the only thing "bad" for me as they can cause a side effect that can peel paint off walls from the odor. :)

I do think that if you can lose the weight thru watching what you eat, it's great...and I hope everyone who takes that route is able to keep it off....as surgery should only be used as a last alternative. But there are those of us who did follow the rules and still gained weight...and for us, surgery is an answer.

Hubby just grins...
 
But there are those of us who did follow the rules and still gained weight...and for us, surgery is an answer.

Hubby just grins...

Oh golly.. I know, I wasn't implying anything.. I should have prefaced what I said with "for me... "

I know that in fact everyone is different ;) The fact you put on weight at 800 cals a day is no surprise btw.. if I drop below 1300 cals a day I start to PUT ON weight too, it is just too few calories a day for me anyway... I am currently eating between 1300 - 1600 and that is a great range for me, plenty to eat and no feeling of deprivation at all.. but I am losing.. so happy camper :D

I am so happy for you Liz, the surgery was obviously the perfect solution for you, for your health!

BTW.. I have seriously considered surgery too, as a last ditch thing, but now I am happily losing without it I will keep going with this, but I have read many stories about WLS, it is fascinating.
 
I found that lowering the calories (eating less) and upping the exercise kept making me ILL
- even though I was eating healthy stuff including good protein especially fish which I love.
It would work for about 6 months. Or 9 months max. I'd lose around 14 - 20 pounds.
Then I'd get sick. Every time.
This would follow around 3 months of NOT losing weight!
I'd then pick up a bug get very feverish, terribly weak and it'd take up to 2 months to get better. Meanwhile the weight returned because I was too weak to exercise or use food disciplines.

I couldn't understand it till I read Zoe Harcombe. I found all the rest of what she said matched my experience. Lots of detail I'd worked out for myself over more than 10 years of struggle. Like needing a lot of protein to feed muscle so the weight loss doesn't strip it out. Like high glycaemic stuff (oats porridge). Like fat doesn't matter so I do eat butter. But then ...

She said that eating less and exercising more is like trying to drive a car on a long journey but refusing to put in enough fuel. Less fuel, more movement. Doesn't work. Something has to break down.
Although I'd got the protein protection for muscles, and fat protection for other stuff - my body was fighting the weight loss by downing my immune system!
Evolution has formed us to do ANYTHING except let go of fat as the most dangerous thing of all. So the system strips muscle, slows us down, lets us get exhausted and depressed, and lowers the immune system ... all to protect the precious fat store. Because in time of scarce food (dieting) the fat store MUST be preserved.

So now I'm trying to learn to eat MORE - Harcombe says most Western women are malnourished from eating too little.
I'm trying to eat eggs and bacon again as well as fish and chicken.
Just trying to keep the carbohydrates under control.
Exercise I am doing VERY moderately about half the amount I used to do - 12 - 14 swim lengths instead of 25 -30. But I do it 3 times a week plus short walks.

So far so good. I feel MUCH stronger not exhausted not depressed. No great weight loss yet, quite modest but I haven't cut the carbs yet. Going gently towards that so as not to strain it.

Also I'm beginning to accept that EXCEPT when I was dieting for months on end I'm really very healthy. I'm large - borderline obese, but I'm strong, I do a full day's work at 62 and keep going better than most young people. As long as I don't do that diet thing I don't get bugs. I heal fast on wounds, fast as a teenager. I drink several times a YEAR ditto coffee, no smoking.
There's new research suggesting that being fat is not especially unhealthy as long as the other health points are good, and there's high protein and veg going in.
Wish I could buy the smaller pretty clothes though!
 
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