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Including external PHP-files into a page callback method

I'm trying to create a page node that I can use to list and edit bug reports for a game server. I have a pretty good idea on how to do this using PHP, but I'm a bit of a rookie when it comes to putting this stuff into a Xenforo page node. I've created a PHP-file that's tied into the PHP callback-function for said page, and that works just fine. I can print whatever I want using this file, but for some reason, I can't use the PHP include and require-methods. I assume this is a problem related to the rewrite engine - I'm using search engine-friendly URLs for my forum, so the direct link to the page node looks something like this:

From experience, I know that forward slashes in the query string can cause some interesting results when trying to include additional files.

I have confirmed that the file I'm trying to include is really present at the URL's I've given for the include-method, and I've tried pretty much all manner of combinations to get this to work. I've tried giving both an absolute URL (all the way from http://) and a relative path, using just "filename.php", "../../filename.php", "library/myfolder/myfile.php" and so on.

Here's a stripped-down version of my stylish callback-file:
public static function METHOD(XenForo_ControllerPublic_Abstract $controller, XenForo_ControllerResponse_Abstract &$response) {
$output = "A";
include('URL') or die();
$response->params['output'] = $output;
This results in a simple 404 error:
"include(1) [function.include]: failed to open stream: No such file or directory"

Upon removing the include-line, the page will correctly display the usual Xenforo layout with a capital "A" on it. The included file is supposed to change $output to become a capital "B" instead.

How can I include external PHP-files into a page callback method?

PS: The file I'm including is in the same folder as the callback-method.
That wouldn't do much good, as far as I can tell. Neither file creates any kind of output. The problem is that the URL passed to the include-method appears to be invalid, even if I pass the exact absolute URL to the file.

I suppose I could write the whole script in the callback-file itself, but this would cause a lot of mess. :(

PS: Tested the output buffer just for kicks; the results didn't change.