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Include a PHP and print output into a template

#1
I have already read the following thread and can't get it working:
http://xenforo.com/community/threads/how-do-i-include-php.14691/#post-192963

and I am trying to code the following modification for XenForo:
http://www.vbulletin.org/forum/showthread.php?t=261318

and on a random note, I am not a developer.

What I am trying to do:
- My Eggdrop prints the currently active users into a text file, which I want to display on a template
- and I got a php file which displays the "Online now: x users" which should also be visible in that template

Okay, what I have done so far:
- added a Code Event listener: template hook, XenForo_irc_irc::includeFile
- created the directory and the files irc/online.php, irc/nicklist.txt and irc/irc.php)

Code removed

I guess it's just the PHP code, any help is greatly appreciated. Thanks.

Edit: Code was removed, because it was nonsense and I don't want to confuse unexperienced users, looking for the same solution.