Disappointment in a member

[Matt C.]

I have a member who was with since almost the beginning of my forum and he was a great contributor. I was planning on making him a moderator if my forum becomes busier (which it is now). I told him my intentions and he declines and told me someone else was a better fit.

The problem arrived when he started backseat moderating and this caused problems with other members. I told him I can't allow him to do this because I don't allow other people to backseat moderate. After I told him he blocked me on Discord and removed all his information from the forum account.

This is really disappointing because I really valued him as a member. I don't know if I could done things differently, I just want to rant.

 

[CjTheFish]

It's rough to lose a good member, but if he was participating in toxic activity it might benefit your community in the long run. Others may be more inclined to step up and make contributions.

 

[ichpen]

I had a member go nuts recently after saying thanks for all the helpful replies he proceeded to threaten legal action if his account wasn't immediately deleted accompanied by a plethora of expletives. You've got to have thick skin to be in this game sometimes.

 

[Suzanne O]

Ban him

 

[Matt C.]

Ban him

I don't believe that's the right path. I believe in second chances and will allow him to come back if he wants. The problem wasn't even a huge deal to begin with

 

[Ozzy47]

Ban him

That is not the answer to building a good community.

 

[Suzanne O]

That is not the answer to building a good community.

Having somebody backstabbing you isn’t a good look either. Ban them.
They are worthless time wasters.

 

[ichpen]

Ban him

Generally speaking a Ban of a legit long term member means you've both failed at reaching an amicable solution. It's always good to private message them and find out what irks them. It maybe something you can remedy. Nothing worse than losing a regular contributor.

 

[Ozzy47]

Having somebody backstabbing you isn’t a good look either. Ban them.
They are worthless time wasters.

No, you try and reach out to the member after a cooling off period and see if you can come to some sort of compromise.

 

[Matt C.]

Banning should ALWAYS be a last resort if you and the person can't fix the problem.

 

[Suzanne O]

No, you try and reach out to the member after a cooling off period and see if you can come to some sort of compromise.

No you don’t. They are idiots for a reason. They get banned.
It’s up to them to pull their heads in or get banned.

 

[Ozzy47]

Maybe on your site, but any real and serious admin tried to avoid those situations.

 

[Matt C.]

No you don’t. They are idiots for a reason. They get banned.
It’s up to them to pull their heads in or get banned.

With that mindset, no one will want to be a part of your forum. You will never build a good community with that attitude.

 

[Ozzy47]

With that mindset, no one will want to be a part of your forum. You will never build a good community with that attitude.

Exactly.

 

[ichpen]

There's a stark difference between building a sustainable community and a forum by the numbers.

 

[Ozzy47]

Hahahaha, "forum by numbers" love it.

 

[Brad Padgett]

I would try to reconcile with him. If he was that much of a contributor considering you were already planning on making him a mod. I've been on sites that take back seat moderating quite seriously. Se7ensins which I'm now a 12 year member this month even though I haven't been active in a while (I saw your mention on se7ensins in another post). Anyways on that site you get infracted for back seat moderating and big sites have to be fair to other members. But if he was there from the beginning depending on the situation you may want to try and see if he will come back to the site. To be fair, big sites need that sort of rule set where you get infracted for disobeying the rules. Then again if he can't handle the rules then possibly not. It's a call you got to make but I would try to reconcile and see if it makes a difference.

 

[Matt C.]

I would try to reconcile with him. If he was that much of a contributor considering you were already planning on making him a mod. I've been on sites that take back seat moderating quite seriously. Se7ensins which I'm now a 12 year member this month even though I haven't been active in a while (I saw your mention on se7ensins in another post). Anyways on that site you get infracted for back seat moderating and big sites have to be fair to other members. But if he was there from the beginning depending on the situation you may want to try and see if he will come back to the site. To be fair, big sites need that sort of rule set where you get infracted for disobeying the rules. Then again if he can't handle the rules then possibly not. It's a call you got to make but I would try to reconcile and see if it makes a difference.

I've tried to reconcile. But he has blocked me everywhere. I tried emailing him but he hasn't replied. I would never make him a moderator now though considering how he acted.

 

[Brad Padgett]

I've tried to reconcile. But he has blocked me everywhere. I tried emailing him but he hasn't replied. I would never make him a moderator now though considering how he acted.

If he blocked you everywhere you might want to just distance yourself from that situation and see if he contacts you again. I wouldn't make him a moderator either because of this situation. Possibly he will contact you, possibly not but when you put it like that you might just want to lay back and see if anything else comes out of it and just not worry much about that. I don't know what went on in the conversation but he may return and if he doesn't at least you tried.

 

[Suzanne O]

Exactly.

Reading further

If he blocked you everywhere you might want to just distance yourself from that situation and see if he contacts you again. I wouldn't make him a moderator either because of this situation. Possibly he will contact you, possibly not but when you put it like that you might just want to lay back and see if anything else comes out of it and just not worry much about that. I don't know what went on in the conversation but he may return and if he doesn't at least you tried.

The guy seems to be a flog and deserves to be banned.

It stops the situation.