Wasted Time on Stupid Stuff


Well-known member
So my mom is going to die due to extreme hospital negligence. There is no chance of recovery and almost no chance to improve. All this time worrying about the future of Xenforo and my license, which forum is better, hours upon hours working on forums, when I could have been spending time more time with my mom instead.

Now I'll never have the chance to ask her another question again. Go the the movies or theater with her. Go out to dinner with her. Sit up to dinner with her. She knows I love her but she no longer knows me or any of my siblings , her past, present or much of anything else.

So when it's all said and done, how much time would you have wasted on stuff that, in the long run, (barring making a living off forums) won't really matter. ?

Somethings I already miss even though her shell is still here on earth....

All of the above and the ability to write down and record her life and memories. Why didn't I do this before? I was always going to get to it. AHHH


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Don't think like that. I'mma tell you the same thing I wrote about a couple days ago.

'We're only here for a short time in the span of history. If you can do a couple positive things while your here then you did what you were made for. That matters way more than death.'

Focus on that instead of death babe. Your here and your wonderful, she was too. The time she was here and the love she was able to provide is all one could hope for from our mothers, if she kept you and she did.



Well-known member
My mom died in a similar fashion and I had the same thoughts...mostly due to guilt. Here's the thing that you might see more clearly later on. Your mom wants you to have your own life. She would not want you to obsess, worry or have guilt over her while she was healthy or even now that she is sick. She probably wanted her own life just as much as she wanted you to have your own life. She would have wanted you to be happy with your own life no matter how trivial your hobbies might appear right now in the current context.

You can't think about what you should have done differently or else you will forget to focus on what is going on now, with others that need your love. Right now...pray for a peaceful passing and that God takes her into heaven. She needs that from you more than anything else right now. Try and let go of the guilt. Prayers coming your way.


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Sorry to hear of your mom's deteriorating health and that she will soon die. I hope you get through this time without feeling guilt or remorse, but instead can rely on the good memories you have. Of course, I don't know her, but I would suspect she would not want you to feel bad about what wasn't done before, but rather to feel at peace.


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Thank you everyone. Your comments mean so much to me even though we are strangers. :) Life is so wierd. We keep thinking we have time but we just never know. I had purchased this "about me" book for my mom about five years ago and was going to work with her to fill it all out to leave to her grandchilden but that never got done and now it is too late. And if I had stayed by her side in the hospital I would have detected the problem right away but instead I went home because I was exhausted and let these morons take care of her. I swear the guilt is gonna kill me. Thank you so much for your prayers and well wishes. I'm just working on a fun forum for a change while I sit here and watch my mom sleep. And dealing with lawyers now is gonna be rough.


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I did the same thing to my grandmother. Well, in fact, no one told me how ill she was. I purchased a scrap book for us to fill in documenting the families growing and times changing and her own account of her life. Told her we'd put it together some time.
And we were going to type out as much as she could remember about her life in vietnam and how she got here etc etc. I was supposed to visit her one week but was unable to due to my boss having a heart attack. I had to watch the shop. That week she fell down a flight of stairs and broke a lot of bones but she had other things going on. She died about 2 weeks later. I didn't even know she was in the hospital. My aunts and uncles didn't feel I needed to know.

I admit we didn't talk often but that's mainly because I never learned Vietnamese and in her old age, it seemed she spoke less and less English every time we'd talk. So I just had no clue until I got an email one night saying they decided to pull the plug. Note I got no call, just an email.

Life is weird indeed. I'm sure your mother understood you needing to go home and you should not regret going home. In life we must learn to trust and you trusted the medical team to assist her properly. They failed. You didn't. No regrets!


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I had something similar recently. Not only did a few friends die, my cousin's father just died. I'm focusing on my work, "wasting time" on xenForo, and whatnot. Problem is, I don't know most people I mentioned. Instead of thinking like that, and thinking negatively about it, I offered my .05 cents to the people that died. I even dropped everything to go to one of my friends' funeral, cried my heart's content out, because I spent some time with him, and the next minute, he's gone. :( It was one week after I defended his girlfriend, too. WTF. I dunno, that was too coincidental. But you know what? That's life, and he wouldn't want me to worry too much about him.


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Hate to hear of this Gabby. :( Get what you can out what time you have left and don't beat yourself up over "what might, should, could have been" is all I know to say to you.