The LOL thread

funny-gifs-treadmill-kittens.gif
 
New Golf Slang :rolleyes:

  • A Dennis Kucinich – short, funny looking and well left.
  • A Nancy Pelosi – way to the left and out of bounds.
  • A Barack Obama – well left and not much else.
  • A Rush Limbaugh – high and well right.
  • An Adolf Hitler – taking two shots in a bunker.
  • A Kate Winslett – a little heavy, but perfect otherwise.
  • A Rodney King – over-clubbed.
  • A Princess Diana – shouldn’t have taken the driver.
  • A Princess Grace – should have used a driver.
  • A Prince Charles – both balls in the rough.
  • An O.J. Simpson – somehow got away with it.
  • A Cathy Freeman – ugly, but a good runner.
  • A Kate Moss – too thin and finished up in a mess.
  • A Gerry Adams – provisional ball.
  • A Salman Rushdie (or a James Joyce) – an impossible read.
  • A Rock Hudson – thought it was straight, but it wasn’t.
  • A Britney Spears – I don’t care how you hit it, that ball is OB.
  • A Roseanne Barr – short, fat and ugly.
  • A Rosie O'Donnell – just plain fat.
  • A Monica Lewinsky – a putt that goes all around the hole but refuses to go in.
  • A Lindsey Lohan – looks good, but ends in a mess.
  • A Thurman Munson (or Mickey Mantle) – a dead yank (when your opponent pulls a short putt and doesn't even hit the hole).
  • An Osama Bin Laden (or Saddam Hussein) – going from one bunker to another.
  • A Kelly Clarkson – a bit chunky, but still working.
  • A Muhammad Ali – when you’re shaking over an important putt.
  • A Beyoncé – a bit chunky, but still on the dance floor (Your on the green, but a long way from the hole).
  • A Paris Hilton – spoiled; wasted a good opportunity.
  • A Danny DeVito – an ugly little five footer.
  • A Joe Pesci – a mean little five footer.
  • A Sonny Bono – straight into the trees.
  • An Elton John – a big bender that lips the rim.
  • A Kevin Rudd (or Pat Sajak) – too much spin.
  • A Bernie Madoff – a great lie and a lot of green to work with.
  • A Ted Kennedy – goes in the water and jumps out.
  • A John F. Kennedy Jr. – didn’t quite make it over the water.
  • A Yasser Arafat – butt ugly and in the sand.
  • A Madonna – like a virgin, it's in there good and tight.
  • A Tony Montana – a guy who keeps having to hit two balls off the tee. "Ok, I’m reloading now"
  • A Toyota – an approach shot that hits the green and keeps on rolling.
  • A Necrophiliac Handjob – a dead pull
  • A Girl Nextdoor – "She had it in her mouth and her mom walked in" (A putt that was in the hole, but then lips out).
  • A Condom – safe, but didn’t feel real good.
  • An Al Qaeda Camel – You're in the sand with no escape.
  • A Nursing Home Bus Crash – A whole lot of nasty breaks.
  • An Elephants A**hole – Its high and it stinks.
  • A Gay Midgets Mouth – Its low and it sucks.
  • A Brazilian – just shaved the hole.
 
THIS MAY BE A "Little" DIFFICULT FOR ALL WHO ARE OVER 60 .THOSE YOUNGER THAN THIS WILL HAVE NO HOPE AT ALL.




DEMENTIA QUIZ

FIRST QUESTION:

YOU ARE A PARTICIPANT IN A RACE. YOU OVERTAKE
THE SECOND PERSON. WHAT POSITION ARE YOU IN?



~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~




ANSWER : IF YOU ANSWERED THAT YOU ARE FIRST,
THEN YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY WRONG! IF YOU OVERTAKE THE
SECOND PERSON AND YOU TAKE HIS PLACE, YOU ARE IN SECOND PLACE!




TRY TO DO BETTER NEXT TIME.
NOW ANSWER THE SECOND QUESTION,
BUT DON'T TAKE AS MUCH TIME AS
YOU TOOK FOR THE FIRST QUESTION, OK?




SECOND QUESTION:
IF YOU OVERTAKE THE LAST PERSON, THEN YOU ARE....?
(SCROLL DOWN)



~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~


ANSWER: IF YOU ANSWERED THAT YOU ARE SECOND TO LAST, THEN YOU ARE.....
WRONG AGAIN. TELL ME SUNSHINE, HOW CAN YOU OVERTAKE THE LAST PERSON??


YOU'RE NOT VERY GOOD AT THIS, ARE YOU?


THIRD QUESTION:
VERY TRICKY ARITHMETIC! NOTE:
THIS MUST BE DONE IN YOUR HEAD ONLY.
DO NOT USE PAPER AND PENCIL OR A CALCULATOR.
TRY IT.



TAKE 1000 AND ADD 40 TO IT. NOW ADD ANOTHER 1000 NOW ADD 30.
ADD ANOTHER 1000. NOW ADD 20 ..... NOW ADD ANOTHER 1000.
NOW ADD 10. WHAT IS THE TOTAL?


SCROLL DOWN FOR THE CORRECT ANSWER.....

~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~




DID YOU GET 5000?

THE CORRECT ANSWER IS ACTUALLY 4100...



IF YOU DON'T BELIEVE IT, CHECK IT WITH A CALCULATOR!
TODAY IS DEFINITELY NOT YOUR DAY, IS IT?

MAYBE YOU'LL GET THE LAST QUESTION RIGHT.... MAYBE...


FOURTH QUESTION:
MARY'S FATHER HAS FIVE DAUGHTERS:

1. NANA, 2. NENE, 3. NINI, 4.. NONO, AND ???
2. WHAT IS THE NAME OF THE FIFTH DAUGHTER?

~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~


DID YOU ANSWER NUNU? NO! OF COURSE IT ISN'T.
HER NAME IS MARY! READ THE QUESTION AGAIN!



OKAY, NOW THE BONUS ROUND,
I.E., A FINAL CHANCE TO
REDEEM YOURSELF:



A MUTE PERSON GOES INTO A SHOP AND WANTS TO BUY A TOOTHBRUSH.
BY IMITATING THE ACTION OF BRUSHING HIS TEETH HE
SUCCESSFULLY EXPRESSES HIMSELF TO THE SHOPKEEPER AND THE PURCHASE IS DONE.
NEXT, A BLIND MAN COMES INTO THE SHOP WHO WANTS TO BUY A
PAIR OF SUNGLASSES; HOW DOES HE INDICATE WHAT HE WANTS?
~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~
IT'S REALLY VERY SIMPLE
HE OPENS HIS MOUTH AND ASKS FOR IT...
DOES YOUR EMPLOYER ACTUALLY PAY YOU TO THINK??
IF SO DO NOT LET THEM SEE YOUR ANSWERS FOR THIS TEST!
 
grant sarver said:
SECOND QUESTION:
IF YOU OVERTAKE THE LAST PERSON, THEN YOU ARE....?
(SCROLL DOWN)

ANSWER: IF YOU ANSWERED THAT YOU ARE SECOND TO LAST, THEN YOU ARE.....
WRONG AGAIN. TELL ME SUNSHINE, HOW CAN YOU OVERTAKE THE LAST PERSON??
Click to expand...
This doesn't fool any southerner who watches NASCAR. You're in first place and you just lapped the last place car.

The real question is why does anyone watch cars make a series of repetitive let hand turns?
 
NASCAR comfusion......

I wonder what would happen if NASCAR reversed the race, and the drivers went in the other direction, thus making a series of repetitive right-hand turns?
Would they get lost? :confused:
 

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