Some members need to grow the **** up


Well-known member
The forum in question is

I started this forum about 7 months ago. 830 members now and people are starting to bicker.

So, the other day two guys got into an argument that lasted 2 pages and basically ended up telling each other to **** off (which I deleted those posts).

Two of the guys in that discussion are probably the most knowledgeable Jeep Wrangler guys alive on this planet (really not a joke either). Anyways, one of them messages me personally and tells me he is leaving the forum permanently because he can't deal with this childish crap.

The other guy messages me and tells me that unless TheFrenchman is banned, he will leave as well.

Talk about a sticky situation. I don't want to lose these two guys, but the fact that both of them are in their 60s and can't handle a little internet quarrel is beyond me. I mean really, who is acting like a child in that situation?

I told them to use the 'Ignore' feature, but both of them insisted on banning him or else they would leave for good.

Ugh... What a bunch of children, seriously. If I was in this situation I would simply ignore the guy and move on.

Done with my rant now!
Blimey. I run a forum of kids, and I don't think we've ever had a situation where they threaten to leave unless we ban someone. Just goes to show that age and maturity are not the same thing!

For what it's worth, in this case I'd be inclined simply to let them leave. If either of them had done something ban-worthy, that would have happened already. Despite their knowledge of the subject matter, it seems from your description that they're toxic to your community, and I'd be wary of any further drama they'd cause in the future – if they're so proud as to refuse to use the ignore feature, what else might they refuse to do in future?
Its a test of your moderation skills for sure.

You need to cultivate a good culture and rules where people realise that they cannot make personal attacks. It seems like it has escalated far off from that point, but you need to show good leadership and pm them both individually and sufficiently explain that they are important to the site but their behaviour(give examples) crossed the line.

If they still do not agree, then let them loose. It might be better off for you in the long term.

Good luck.
It sounds like things got pretty bad though no one did something ban-worthy (or you're happy to make an exception given their knowledge / contributions in your forum).

In all honesty, I would send them both a PM and just let them know you won't ban the other on demand. If they want to leave then so be it. Chances are they go for a few days, things will blow over and they'll return to your forum. If not, move on with the members you do have.

Though if you give in and ban one of the members, you've 100% lost 1 knowledgeable member and nothing is to say he won't come back next week demanding you ban another user he doesn't get along with.
(which I deleted those posts).

I am always willing to allow my users to stand by their idiocy. If they start effing and blinding at each other I am not going to clean up after them. I will issue warnings, because it's expressly against our rules to take disagreements to that kind of level.

We have a very clear tiered warning system set up. 3 points leads to a permanent, irreversible ban. You'd be amazed how people can behave like adults if bans don't last four weeks.

If it helps you at all, here's a look at our rules and their point values:
Heh, we ran into this with our old community. A lot has to do with how you set what will be acceptable behavior. We had one member over there that made more than one member leave and it was tollorated. While he brought good content, it was nto worth the cost, by the time he was banned it was too late the damage was done. On our new forum, we set guidelines and told him it was going to be a fresh start. He has been a model citizen since. Do you want a bar that serves food or a restaurant that serves drinks? It is up to you to set the tone to what is acceptable and what is not..and stick to it. No different than parenting.
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