I haven't managed to resolve this. It was narrowed down to the images prior to May this year, which all had exif data removed. Which shouldn't matter. Windows can see them, Android can see them - Apple can't. They are all jpegs.
Chat GPT suggested Apple was looking for a jpeg marker that exiftool may have "changed" so they were seen as "progressive jpegs". Did a test with that by downloading one of the images that didn't display, re-processing is as "Baseline standard jpeg" and then re-uploading it. That worked. So that seemed to confirm the issue.
Except I had another 1000 images to deal with. Batch processed those in the same way, re-uploaded them - and - well it partly worked. The top half of images show but the bottom half is a grey box (ONLY on Apple devices - they display fine on Windows and Android). Worse than that though, it also then affected all the newer images as well - which were ok before.
So batchprocessing wasn't reliable enough and I can't individually do every photo on the site.
Have now restored a backup of the images as before. And am left with - people with iphones and ipads can't see any images prior to May this year - ie the ones with exif removed.
Now the newer images also have exif removed at the time of upload, and they are ok, but that's a different process.
I'm not quite sure where to go from here. I do actually have a backup of all the older images, before they had exif removed, but they still need the exif removing and how I would tie that back up with a current back up of all images I have no idea.
I did consider converting everything to webp - apple can see that now. My apple users can all see the home page photos which are webp. But then that limits apple users to having devices newer than 2020 and that is only 5 years ago. People might have upgraded phones but I think there are a lot of people out there using older ipads.
But also - if it is the lack of metadata that is stopping Apple seeing the images, presumably that could still be the same even if those same images were converted to webp? I don't know.
Essentially it's an Apple issue, not an image issue. But it's affecting the site and the users.
Edit and yes I realise now that guests only see thumbnails which is why they can view smaller images and logged in users can't see the images.