Have you heard the one about...

A man walking on the beach came across an odd-looking bottle. Not being one to ignore tradition, he rubbed it and, much to his surprise, a genie actually appeared.

"For releasing me from the bottle, I will grant you three wishes," said the genie. "But there's a catch," the genie continued. "For each of your wishes, every lawyer in the world will receive double what you asked for."

First, the man wished for a Ferrari. POOF! A Ferrari appeared in front of him. "Now, every lawyer in the world has been given two Ferraris," said the genie. "What is your next wish?"

"I could really use a billion dollars." replied the man, and POOF! One billion dollars appeared at his feet. "Now, every lawyer in the world is two billion dollars richer," the genie reminded the man, and then asked him for his third wish.
The man thought for a minute and said, "Beat me half to death."
 
A blonde and lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from LA to NY. The lawyer asks if she would like to play a fun game. The blonde, very tired, just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines and rolls over toward the window to catch a few winks.

The lawyer persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun. He says, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5.00 and vice versa."

Again, she declines and tries to get some sleep.

The lawyer, now agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5.00, and if I don't know the answer, I'll pay you $500.00."

This catches the blonde's attention and, figuring there will be no end to the torment unless she plays, agrees to the game.

The lawyer asks the first question, "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?"

The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches in her purse, pulls out a $5 bill and hands it to the lawyer.

"Okay," says the lawyer, "your turn."

She asks the lawyer, "What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four legs?"

The lawyer, puzzled, takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references, no answer. He enables the in-plane wireless access and searches the net and Library of Congress, still no answer. Frustrated, he sends e-mail to all his friends and coworkers, all to no avail. After an hour, he wakes the blonde and hands her $500.

The blonde says, "Thank you," and turns back to get some more sleep.

The lawyer, more than a little miffed, wakes the blonde and asks, "Well, what's the answer?"

Without a word, the blonde reaches in her purse, hands the lawyer $5.00, and goes back to sleep.
 
Questions from lawyers (they are said to actually have happened!)

Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there any girls?

Were you alone or by yourself?
 
A man who had been caught embezzling millions from his employer went to a lawyer seeking defense. He didn’t want to go to jail. But his lawyer told him, "Don’t worry. You’ll never have to go to jail with all that money.” And the lawyer was right. When the man was sent to prison, he didn’t have a dime.


A lawyer's dog, running around town unleashed, heads for a butcher shop and steals a roast. The butcher goes to the lawyer's office and asks, "if a dog running unleashed steals a piece of meat from my store, do I have a right to demand payment for the meat from the dog's owner?" The lawyer answers, "Absolutely."
"Then you owe me $8.50. Your dog was loose and stole a roast from me today."
The lawyer, without a word, writes the butcher a check for $8.50. The butcher, having a feeling of satisfaction, leaves.

Three days later, the butcher finds a bill from the lawyer: $100 due for a consultation.
 
A lawyer died and arrived at the pearly gates. To his dismay, there were thousands of people ahead of him in line to see St. Peter. But, to his surprise, St. Peter left his desk at the gate and came down the long line to where the lawyer was standing. St. Peter greeted him warmly. Then St. Peter and one of his assistants took the lawyer by the hands and guided him up to the front of the line into a comfortable chair by his desk.

The lawyer said, "I don't mind all this attention, but what makes me so special?"

St. Peter replied, "Well, I've added up all the hours for which you billed your clients, and by my calculation you must be about 193 years old!"
 
A doctor and a lawyer were having drinks at a cocktail party. The doctor asks his attorney friend whether he could provide some advice about a problem he was having, professional to professional. The attorney said he'd be delighted to help. The doctor explained that he had a friend / acquaintance who came into the office for a very simple checkup that took all of a minute and wasn't sure whether it would appropriate and well received if he billed her. He told her that he couldn't think of doing so but she insisted. The attorney thought for a moment and then advised the doctor that it was perfectly acceptable to bill this woman. So the doctor sent the woman a bill.

And the lawyer sent the doctor a bill.
 

Similar threads

A
  • Suggestion Suggestion
Lack of interest Hierarchical MVC
Replies
5
Views
2K
Astrum
A
Top Bottom