There is queuing on the mail server.
The problem is that if it takes more than 2 minutes for your mail server to accept all of the emails (which is quite likely for such a large volume), then the send will time out (without error
).
My guess is that your mail server wasn't able to process the emails fast enough - SMTP is quite a chatty protocol, so I'm assuming the throughput would be relatively low.
That's one of the reasons I implemented API level mail sending via an ESP - they advised that throughput would be much higher than using SMTP to send.
That being said, it would still take some time to send such a large batch - my XF1 server has been sending bulk emails at a rate of around 5,000 emails per hour via SparkPost - which is quite slow. Their documentation states that throughput can be optimised/increased by sending multiple batches in parallel which I don't do.
Back to the original problem - it would be interesting to see what your mail server logs indicate - what time did the server start receiving the emails and what time did it stop? (Also - how many emails were actually processed?) If it is more than 2 minutes, then that's likely your problem - XF1 timed out before your server accepted all of the emails.
Batching up emails in XenForo (not your mail server) would avoid this issue - which is what XF2 does. But of course, it will still take some time to send all of the emails.
I have not seen any solid addons that give access to cheap providers and feeds bounced mail back into XF.
Yeah, the bounced mail back into XF is the trick.
I like SparkPost as an ESP, but they deliver mail bounce notifications via webhook rather than as returned email, which requires quite a bit of programming to handle. I've built this processing for my own sites, but it relies on an external (Laravel) application to process the bounce notifications and pass them on to XenForo - so it's not really something I'm going to release at this point.
Also, your costs will be quite high for such high volumes of emails.
Once I get my sites upgraded to XF2 I might spend some time investigating the mail throughput issue and see if I can come up with a solution for implementing high volume mail sending - ie batching the emails and sending them in parallel using concurrent sending connections.