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Puns for Educated minds :)

Discussion in 'Off Topic' started by John, Aug 18, 2010.

  1. John

    John Well-Known Member

    1. The fattest knight at King Arthur’s round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.
    2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian .
    3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.
    4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.
    5. No matter how much you push the envelope, it’ll still be stationery.
    6. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.
    7. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
    8. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
    9. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
    10. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
    11. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other: ‘You stay here; I’ll go on a head.’
    12. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.
    13. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: ‘Keep off the Grass.’
    14. A backward poet writes inverse.
    15. In a democracy it’s your vote that counts. In feudalism it’s your count that votes.
    16. If you jumped off the bridge in Paris, you’d be in Seine .
    17. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, ‘I’m sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger.’
    18. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says ‘Dam!’
    19. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can’t have your kayak and heat it too.
    20. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, ‘I’ve lost my electron.’ The other says ‘Are you sure?’ The first replies, ‘Yes, I’m positive.’
    21. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.
    22. There was the person who sent ten puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.
     
  2. Brandon_R

    Brandon_R Guest

    "I wish I was your derivative so i could be tangent to your curves."
     
    David Thomas and Caliburn like this.
  3. Jethro

    Jethro Well-Known Member

    Unfort some of those aren't actually groan inducing :p Thanks for sharing ...
     
  4. Kim

    Kim Well-Known Member

    Chortle :D
     
  5. Shamil

    Shamil Well-Known Member

    That's just naughty!
     
  6. Peggy

    Peggy Well-Known Member

    Maybe not, but they're funny. [​IMG]
     
  7. Caliburn

    Caliburn Well-Known Member

    /thread.
     
  8. Jethro

    Jethro Well-Known Member

    Yes but they have to be groan inducing .... we really need some pun-ishment here.
     
  9. John

    John Well-Known Member

    A friend of mine just started his own business, making landmines that look like prayer mats. He says business is booming, and prophets are going through the roof…
     
    Abomination, Nick and Onimua like this.
  10. Ben Davis

    Ben Davis Active Member

    oooooo, that's a touchy one but good xD
     

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